Left out in the cold……..?
I can’t believe I’m going to put this out there.
I must be losing my mind {ok, losing more of my mind}
To even realise I am thinking this way and wanting to say it out loud is so crazy.
BUT, I am thinking this…….and …… it hurts a little.
I sometime’s feel like Acacia doesn’t like me very much.
O M G
I said it.
delete delete delete…………….crap …………….DELETE.
*dear lord, please don’t let me be the only mother that thinks this way*
Hang on………………..I can’t be…………..there is a whole episode about it on ‘Everyone loves Raymond’
(this could possibly make my state of mind appear even worse comparing my life to a sitcom, but, what the hell)
Deborah was devastated the kids had more fun with the babysitter than with her.
When it came down to a choice the kids didn’t want to be with Mummy …………..and it hurt her.
So she sacked the babysitter and asked Ray’s mum instead.
That way when she tried to leave the kids with Ray’s mum they would hang onto Mummy.
I GET IT. I so would do the same.
My heart breaks when I see Acacia favouring someone over me.
Sometimes when we have one on one time, she will ask where Daddy is.
This sick feeling starts in the pit of my stomach and builds and builds to the point I want to scream
“Why are you flippin’ asking about Daddy!!”
WHY ARE YOU EVEN THINKING OF DADDY.
YOU SHOULD BE RELISHING IN THE COMPANY OF ME… MUMMY.
NOT ASKING ABOUT FRIGGING DADDY.
Shit.
What’s wrong with me.
I want to be the ONLY one Acacia wants to have around.
Not Daddy.
Not Nanny.
Not Poppy.
Just Mummy. Me. Moi.
When Deborah confesses Ray – he thinks it’s funny.
Then he realises how serious she is and tells her the obvious……..
the kids love you….. you don’t have to compete……….your number one ……….the kids love mummy.
The thing is , you know your being completely irrational.
Insecure.
Immature.
Hey, I’ll even chuck in a pathetic.
Maybe, when your the ‘tough’ one, the one that stands strong and follows through with the threats and discipline, you can’t expect to be the ‘favourite’.
Maybe, when you pick your parenting badge, you have to wear it.
No matter what the consequences are.
After all, they don’t call it ‘tough love’ for no reason.
March 4th, 2011 at 1:03 am
Awww… this post is sad. I’ll bet when you’re not there, Acacia asks for you too….
March 4th, 2011 at 1:57 am
I prefer Lindsay too.
March 4th, 2011 at 4:22 pm
You are precious…
Its Your love for her..its so deep and so profound its like you want to just go up to her and say..can you see it…CANT YOU..PLEASE!!!!!
so you wait for her actions…and they are not always what you want..
I can say with my whole heart Jus…with my hand placed there and emotion in my voice
she loves you, god she does..i see it in her eyes when she looks at you…
*tight hugs*
remember one thing….
how YOU feel about Our mum…
thats what gets me through, when i have days when i dont feel so ‘Loved”
so where your “badge” proudly lil sis you rock
xxxxx
March 5th, 2011 at 1:05 am
We hold our childrens hands for a little while. We hold them in our hearts for ever.
I still prefer Lindsay.
March 12th, 2011 at 11:21 pm
Hey Sweet,
Kids love and need boundaries, so being the ‘tough’ one, is a good thing. I’ve seen the way your child looks at you, and she wants and loves you. You’re just too lovable.
From another loveable friend xox